Sunday, January 20, 2013

It's Not You, It's Me

It's been nearly seven months since my father was first diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer.  You may have noticed that this is also around the time that I stopped blogging on a regular basis, and I hope you understand that this timing was not coincidental.  The last seven months, I have been living a life that was not my own.   It was not my place to discuss my father's illness; and his illness was all-consuming for me, through no fault of his own.  He made a point of telling us that he was the same person he had been before the diagnosis, and we should continue treating him as such.  However, asserting this and acting accordingly are two very different things.  If anyone in the world were ever able to accomplish this - to prattle on about the price of beans while watching your only parent suffer through chemo and radiation - well, you're a better man than I, Gunga Din.   It was more than I could manage, either in person or on paper.

My father died on December 14th.

I've tried to write about his death, now that the feelings and experiences I would be writing about would be wholly my own.  To no avail.   I finally realized this morning that the reason I have not been able to finish a post is that I'm not ready.  I need to take a break.  I'm sure I'll post things every once in a while, when the mood strikes (or when I do something stupid, which you all know happens with the regularity of a New York minute), but there's stuff in my head that needs to stay in my head for a while...

1 comment:

  1. Take your time Liz. It will come. And you will be funny as usual. xo


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